If Only He Were President

Friday was the parent-teacher conference at the school and, per laws of physics, the chain of parents ahead of me extended over their alloted face time with the teacher; thus, arriving at the appointed time entailed a wait out in the hall. In anticipation of parental wait times, the teacher hung up essays written by the entire first grade class out in the hall, entitled If I Were President.

With one exception, every child's essay's points were confined to the following:

• I would stop the war in Iraq.
• I would bring all the soldiers home.
• I would give the poor people money.
• I would give the poor people food.
• I would move into the White House.

Two of the boys added "I would play" as the final point.

My son reports that the entire first grade class except himself voted for Obama in the mock election. Were they under the misimpression that we don't give money and food to the poor people now, and that Obama's the only candidate who would do it? Who guided them to think that the only policies worthy of the President are of pacifism and redistributive socialism?

As I said, there was one single exception to the above manifesto; I'm proud to report that my son singly strayed from the lockstep with this opening sentence of his essay:

First, I would stop uborshin.

You done your daddy proud, son!